CANKLE PROBLEMS

Hey, y'all...Me here, with another exciting update on My So Blonde Life. I have been thinking about changing the Blonde to Shitty to be more fitting of my current situation, and I'll tell you about it right now:

I HAVE A SPIDER BITE THAT HAS BLOWN UP MY ENTIRE LEG, MOSTLY MY ANKLE (hence, cankle) INTO TWICE THE SIZE OF MY OTHER LEG.

Make no mistake, It looks like I have diabetus (Molly pronunciation) of the leg. It's all shiny and diabetus like. In other words, I'm cute. You want to date me. The bite itself resembles a bullet wound, maybe? IDK, I've never seen a bullet wound up close and personal, but if it looks purple, yellow, and grey with lots of red swelling then I'm right.

I'm no doctor, but I think boogers came out of it yesterday.

I would show you pictures, but I deleted them all from my phone because I was all like...ew.

Something miraculous happened this morning when I woke up, however. It isn't SO red anymore, and now it pretty much looks like a casual school yard scab you get from hitting the gravel when playing kissing tag. You never played that in first and second grade? Well, you have to kiss the people you tag...I'm surprised we never got in trouble for such public displays of affection being so young. I think a game of kissing tag would be way more fun as adults though. There is a lot more risk involved. Like the risk of not knowing if the person who's "it" has the herp. THAT'S THE RISK YOU TAKE. I think I'll start a league, but you obviously have to be STD tested before joining. That's a given. Herpes? YOU'RE OUTTA HERE. But, I'll definitely be accepting applicants with cankles. I'm no bigot.